Attachment Styles & Why They Matter in Relationships

Sunset over Mont Saint-Michel with calm river, conveying peace and possibility in couples therapy

We all have core ways of relating to others, especially in our closest relationships. These patterns are known as attachment styles, and they’re shaped by early experiences with caregivers, as well as important relationships throughout our lives.

In adult relationships, your attachment style shows up in how you respond to conflict, how you reach for your partner (or pull away), and what you do when you feel hurt, disconnected, or unseen.

You might notice yourself:

  • Pursuing your partner when you feel anxious, needing reassurance but feeling like it never quite lands (anxious attachment)

  • Withdrawing or shutting down to avoid conflict, even when you’re hurting inside (avoidant attachment)

  • Feeling torn between wanting closeness and fearing it by urgently seeking connection at times, and shutting down or pulling away at others, often without fully understanding why (disorganized attachment)

These patterns aren’t signs that something is wrong with you, they’re protective strategies that once made sense, but now might be keeping you and your partner apart.

In therapy, we’ll work to understand these patterns together, not with blame, but with curiosity and compassion, so that you can begin to relate to each other in new ways that feel safer, more open, and more connected.

How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Can Help

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a research-backed, evidence-based approach to couples therapy that’s all about helping you and your partner feel safe, seen, and emotionally connected again.

Instead of just focusing on surface-level communication tips, EFT goes deeper in helping you understand the emotional needs and fears that drive your disconnection.

In EFT, we’ll work together to:

  • Identify the negative patterns that keep pulling you apart

  • Slow down the moments of conflict so we can understand what’s really happening underneath

  • Create new emotional experiences that bring you closer

  • Build a stronger, more secure bond; one where both of you feel safe to reach, respond, and connect

Beyond the arguments, EFT helps you speak and truly be heard in a way that draws you back to each other.

Learn about what to expect in couples therapy the first few sessions here.

We all want to heal.